I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
