I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
