They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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