Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
