nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
