Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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