Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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