Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
