Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
