His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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