So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
