The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
