There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
