I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
