Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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