Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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