I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
