I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
