Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
