Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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