she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
