I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
