I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
