Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
