My liver just broke up with me...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
