i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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