I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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