Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize