I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
