"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
PANTIES FOUND
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