I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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