so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
