Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
