The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
