He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
