So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
