I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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