i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
