I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
