you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
