no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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