I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
