I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
