Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
