Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
