Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
