in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
