The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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