The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
