Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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