help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
