Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
