I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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