Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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