Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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