I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
