my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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