currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
