Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
